Philippians 4:6-8

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.

Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Do I fear?

- Yes, we are having a baby and I still have no vaccine.

- I fear every time I went to our checkups and whenever my husband goes outside to do some errands.

- I fear whenever my parents and siblings got a cough or cold.

- I fear bad news.

Do I feel sad?

- My heart is broken for the Afghan people.

- I feel sad whenever I received a prayer request about healing and recovery from my friends - even about deaths.

- I feel sad that our families and friends are not witnessing how my baby bump grows.

- I feel sad that I can't see my family and celebrate my upcoming birthday with them.

Am I still happy?

- Yes, because I'm excited for our baby and this season is new for me.

- I'm enjoying being taking care of my husband.

- I enjoy the baby's every movement in my tummy. 

- I love it when my husband also feel and see the baby's movement.

- Seeing our baby's ultrasound makes me happy.

- and I love hearing our Baby's heartbeat.

Am I at peace?

- Sometimes I am not but most of the time yes.

God has comforted and still encouraging me with His words.

I need to be reminded daily and have to feed myself with God's truth and love for me to be at peace.

These verses helped me a lot whenever I don't feel okay,  whenever trouble starting to fill me up, and whenever bad news is robbing me of my peace.

1. Psalm 112:7

They do not fear bad news;

they confidently trust the LORD to care for them.

(Because as I said, I fear bad news, can we just all have good news?)

2. Psalm 121:6-8

The sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night.

The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life.

The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

(As I fear going outside for myself, my husband, and our families)

3. Proverbs 10:24

The fears of the wicked will be fulfilled;

the hopes of the godly will.be granted.

4. Proverbs 10:28

The hopes of the godly results in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing.

(Am I wicked? why would "fear" dominate my thoughts? Jesus said worries dominate the thoughts of unbelievers.)

5. Proverbs 31:25

She laughs without fear of the future.

(Laugh and be happy. Enjoy the moment. Joyful are those whose hopes are in the Lord.)

I am not okay all the time.

I think a lot - I overthink a lot.

And the truth is all people will not always be okay and it's okay.

Because it's an opportunity for Jesus - to be seen, to be heard, and to be felt.

Sorrows, pain, tears, sicknesses, wars - and anything negative we could think of is a product of sin.

Anything that hurts us is a part of this imperfect world.

That's why Jesus said that in the new heaven and new earth there will be no more tears - nothing could hurt us anymore.

Revelations 21:4

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.

We shouldn't be surprised if we feel afraid, sad, or worried at times - If we feel trouble or if we wanna cry.

But we shouldn't also feel guilty if we feel joyful and peaceful at times - It means Jesus has taken over our minds and filled our hearts with hopes.

When the time is right, I the Lord will make it happen. 

Pandemic isn't a good word. Isn't it?

It brings fear, depression, hopelessness, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, and many more negative feelings we can think of.

For sure this word has brought us some sort of emotional stress that maybe only the Lord knew.

I remember when Covid 19 cases were rising here in the Philippines as our wedding day approaches, I was so anxious.

I am confused about whether I want to hasten time to the day of our wedding or to stop time to make the virus stop spreading.

Well, pause.

In this blog, I will not highlight the personal drama I have gone through during that period. 😄

I'm done with it, Praise God! 😊

I wanna highlight how really the Lord turned something negative into such praise-worthy things!

1. THE WEDDING

Our families on our wedding day

The wedding might be postponed but I got the chance to spent more time with my family - 6 more months with them.

Before getting married, I was so excited to be with my husband now.

We've been for 10 years together and for me, 10 years is more than enough of waiting for both of us.

But looking back I am so grateful God extended our waiting because I am missing my family from time to time.

I miss the life with my parents and my siblings though I am completely happy with my husband right now.

I realized that my life has really a new chapter now.

I'm absorbing the fact that I cannot go back to the time when I was still under my parents' ultimate care, - less freedom but less responsibility.

But yes, the postponed wedding is not ultimately a bad thing.

I treasure those postponed periods with my first love - my family.

2. CALLIGRAPHY AND PAINTING

Have you heard the word "ArTherapy"?

I was not so serious with calligraphy before. I just do it from time to time whenever my feeling calls me to.

But boredom strikes and I needed to do things that time to divert my attention not to stay from the emotional and mental stress I think I was going through.

That's when I started to join the #30daysofBibleLetteringChallenge where I will write bible verses for 30 days.

Day 1/30

This was the point where I got the chance to know some artists.

And as I was connecting with them, I was encouraged to explore art more - like painting florals, landscapes, coffees, bread, humans, and many more.

I almost painted every day until one day, God has impressed some people's hearts to appreciate it by giving me the chance to make art for them - and I'm getting paid for it!

My first ever orders!

Not only that, since I wasn't able to go outside to buy my journaling stuff for my quiet time.

I was pushed to make my own stickers, pure hand-made first but now we are printing it 😊

My first ever hand-made stickers!

Now from painted to printed :)

Have my own Lazada store now :)

I remember when He said to Come to Him and He will show great and mighty things which we do not know (Jeremiah 33:3)

After a year I can say that God has blessed the work of my hands more than I could think of.

It overwhelms me to think that He has brought me here where I am right now.

He has opened doors and still unwrapping things in store for us.

To conclude, 

Who would have thought there is beauty in ashes?

Leviticus 26:35

As long as the land lies in RUINS, it will ENJOY the rest you never allowed it to take...

Leviticus 26:43

For the land must be ABANDONED to ENJOY its years of Sabbath rest as it lies DESSERTED.

How ironic these verses are right?

Ruined, Abandoned, Desserted - who would enjoy such things as these?

But yes, with God - We can. We will.

We might not see it at the moment, but in time, we will understand.

We will appreciate all that He is doing.

Be encouraged.

To us who might be going through this tough season - Believe that God can turn things up.

We will not forever feel deserted or abandoned, there is a reason why God is allowing us to experience such things for a reason that we cannot comprehend right now.

Romans 8:28

And we KNOW that God causes all things to work together for GOOD to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Many will say that 2020 is not the best year or the best way to start a new decade.

Maybe I'm one of them too - at least in the beginning.

But ending the year...

With tears, I feel grateful.

God is really, really faithful.

I remember entering 2020 with full of excitement in me for my thought says, "this year will be different".

I wonder how it feels to have a new chapter in life with the only man I have ever prayed of.

But then COVID 19 happens and it crushed many things - well my dream wedding.

Yes, it seems that my dream wedding covers that "many things" at least for my perspective.

It's like our wedding is my "everything" for that year.

That having a good and wonderful wedding means a happy and perfect 2020 for me.

Not knowing God has in store something far better for me this year.

Early this year, I wrote a blog for valentines entitled "When God brought the woman to the man"

VALENTINE POST

I can say this is my biggest break so far as a writer.

Then when Covid 19 break out last March, it moved me to write my so-called "Covid 19 Series" which reached many people too.

COVID 19 - 1

COVID 19- 2

COVID 19- 3

In April of this year, I started to paint almost every day to cope with the feelings the lockdown has brought me.

I posted my artworks on social media and to my surprise God has sent people who have appreciated and liked them.

Some even asked me to paint for them and that's how I started to earn from it.

September came, who would have thought we will get married - not our way but His way.

WEDDING DAY

November, God has blessed my heart by giving me the opportunity to host an art workshop for the first time!

Then later this year, I have launched my own sticker sets!

- Not only stickers but also cards, tags, calendars, and other customized artsy things. 

I have not thought any of this will come true this year.

My focus is only on that dream wedding but God took my attention by some turn of events.

2020 might have brought me heartbreaks, disappointments, anxiety, doubts, fear, and many negative feelings but I'm still here.

By the grace of God, I'm still here in my faith.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not despairing; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed.

I realized, maybe we have had a lot of hardship this year and it feels this world is against us - well that is normal.

Jesus reminded us that if it feels that the world hates us, It hated him first (John 15:18)

And if we continue to read 2 Corinthians, in verse 10-11, it says,

Always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

We know Jesus did not live the life of pleasure this world defines.

He was betrayed, denied, mocked, scourged, nailed, and crucified - yet in all of these, He is victorious!

He has won the greatest enemy no one has ever defeated which is death.

So to us, Cheers!

God has accomplished all His good plans for us this year - His way, His time.

He is indeed not a man that He should lie for He cannot deny Himself.

God did not just give me the marriage He has promised but in His goodness and grace, He brought me blessing more than I have asked for this year.

2 Corinthians 2:14

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ and manifest through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

May this sweet aroma of Christ be upon you.

Happy almost New Year!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 

See I am doing a new thing.

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 

Do not call to mind the former things or ponder things from the past.

Do not cling to the events that happened.

For what He will be doing - in fact already doing.

And is now happening!

These are nothing compare to those things of old.

Yet, God made it happen.

Our church set the wedding date; but a few days before it, we are told that it will not be pushed through for some reason.

By this time, we have adjusted with our church's chosen date twice already - filing our leaves twice including our families.

It became stressful for us knowing we are just a few days away from our set wedding date and we still have no concrete plans how will our wedding be like.

We got no pastor to officiate our wedding, our venue is now unknown and we are not sure of our witnesses' availability for we haven't asked them yet.

But God one by one, made a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

September 9, Wednesday, God provided us a pastor to officiate our wedding then that same day, our venue confirmed it's availability including the number of guests they can accommodate with.

Lastly, some of our witnesses said yes to us.

It's like Tuesday we are problematic then Wednesday, God came to our rescue.

He really does hasten it in its time by sending His people's favor towards us - all compressed in just one day to bless us on our wedding day.

... For the LORD delights in you, And to Him your land will be married.

Do not be anxious but pray.

When I read that word from Isaiah 62:4 that night, I was moved to read the previous bible readings I wrote in my journal just this September. 

Here are some of them.

I, the LORD, will hasten it in its time.

You will go out with joy and be led forth with peace...

Those who hopefully wait for Me will never be put to shame.

My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure... Truly I have spoken; I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it.

Do not tremble and do not be afraid; Have I not long since announced it to you and declared it?...

Do not fear for I will pour out water on the thirsty land and streams on the dry ground.

The Lord makes a way through the sea and a path through the mighty waters. 

Lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars... 

I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears... 

Say to those with anxious heart "Take Courage, Fear not"...

But the LORD was pleased to crush Him, putting Him to grief...

I don't have the courage to write these past weeks.

My July journal wasn't filled.

I missed my Bible.

Selah.

Yes, there's nothing new with this post, this is still a story of being down I guess.

This pandemic is so real.

It hits me.

I didn't feel like myself the last month.

It seems I am not me.

I was different for many days.

I felt guilty for not spending time with the Lord as I used to be.

I dealt with the everyday as if I am not minding Him.

He was just in my rearview and I didn't try to look closer at Him.

It seems I am so okay outside yet inside I know I am not.

Something is missing, something is falling.

Looks like, I almost lost my footing.

But why I am still here standing?

I guess it's because of His love - no, I know it's His lovingkindness that holds me.

Many things have failed these past months at least for my perspective.

My heart is having its own ups and downs.

Negativity keeps coming back.

Some are from of old, some are new.

Many times I am discouraged - and this month, I think, I gave in.

I miss the old normal.

I miss going out.

I miss the face to face interaction, conversation.

I am tired of the slow internet thing.

I miss touching my friends.

I miss walking freely.

I feel ugly inside our house.

My clothes aren't nice, my hair isn't fixed.

And sometimes, I think I overeat without getting enough movements.

I hate COVID!

It holds our wedding.

It ruined our plans.

These were the things popping on my mind.

I am so negative.

I didn't fight them using His words as my armor.

I know the Bible can answer everything I said, everything I thought.

But I don't know.

I get tired of encouraging myself, I guess.

I allowed other things to feed me just to forget these thoughts, these sentiments.

I decided to just do things that I feel like doing - calligraphy, painting, watching movies, and even chatting and chatting with friends.

I was busy doing these all day.

I had fun.

But at the end of it all, I am not full.

None of these filled me, satisfied me.

I made such good things bad for myself.

My heart isn't at peace.

I don't feel good.

I got to do something.

There's something inside me that is pulling me back to where I'm supposed to be.

And I gave in to that power - the Holy Spirit. 

Psalm 73:21-23

When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within,

Then I was senseless and ignorant;

I was like a beast before You.

Nevertheless I am continually with You;

You have taken hold of my right hand.

You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping.

If I should say "My foot has slipped" Your lovingkindness O Lord will hold me up.

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.

(v.2)  My soul refuse to be comforted.

(v.3)  When I remember God, I am disturbed.

(v.4)  I feel so trouble, I cannot speak.

(v.8)  Will I never be favorable again?

(v.9)  Has His promise come to an end forever?

(v.10) It is my grief that the right hand of God has changed.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are your ways My ways.

(v.11) I shall remember the deeds of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

(v.12) I will meditate on all Your work And muse on Your deeds.

(v.14) Your way, O God is holy...

(v.19) Your way was in the sea and Your paths in the mighty waters, And Your footprints may not be known.