Psalm 127:3

Behold, Children are a heritage from the LORD,

The Fruit of the womb is a reward.

We were supposed to be "one and done" with our firstborn - but then, the Lord had another plan.

While other couples are struggling with infertility, I think it's the opposite for us.

I know it should be the least concern because many couples out there are longing to have a child of their own, yet for us, for me especially, I am afraid to get pregnant again.

Pregnancy is a long journey to walk for me - it feels like forever...  not to mention the hardship I experienced - the vomiting, nausea, loss of appetite, body changes, body pain, as well as the consideration for things to use or food to intake.

Surely, there is joy and excitement that pregnancy brings - it is wonderful to think that a life is growing inside of you... yet, sometimes, fear and anxiety just creep in, and then you become overwhelmed.

I worry whether my baby will develop well or will even make it through the full term.

A lot is going on in my mind, body, and emotions.

And so, when I went through it the first time, I said, This will be the last time - I don't want to create something for me to worry about again.

My husband also supports this due to financial constraints and for us to have more time together as a couple.

While pregnancy was hard, for me, postpartum was even harder.

I was shocked - this is motherhood!

I was more afraid of it than being pregnant itself.

There are a lot of pains - pains that I really cry on to God.

I even experienced some kind of anger towards my husband because I felt "why is it only me that is experiencing pain?" , "how come my husband looks good and I feel awful?"

"I do not know myself anymore, while my husband is still the same, it is just so unfair for me"...

To cut the sentiments short, I did not handle postpartum really well, and it affected our marriage. The regrets of being married lingered on my thoughts...

So now the questions are...

1. How did we overcome that season of our marriage?

2. What makes us decide to get through it the second time?

To answer the first question, 

Thankfully, we have the support group we needed - given our own families, our spiritual families are great help as well.

Being accountable with our discipleship group helps us a lot - walking with them is a blessing, knowing we are not the only ones experiencing hardship.

The presence, the kindness, the generosity, and the thoughtfulness of the people around us made me feel better.

It feels like the Lord has indeed sent His angels to take care of us.

Our willingness to take action on our part also plays an important role - we worked on our marriage and decided to make it a priority.

We talked, we laughed, we spent time together, we shared thoughts, we served each other, we forgave, and we expected less from each other.

We tried to appreciate one another and honor each other.

We serve together and pray together.

We did not hide our struggles, our fears, our fights - we opened them to the light.

We accepted rebukes and opened our hearts for advice.

Still not perfect though - but we practice accountability and we value sharing our lives with those people who call on the Lord from pure hearts.

While we found ourselves healing from the heartaches and fear of the past (and also to answer the second question) -

We found ourselves in our church leadership conference contemplating with the Lord by what He impressed into our hearts - to have a baby again...

(Oh nohhhhh...)

Our senior pastor was sharing about what kind of legacy we are leaving in this world and that children are gifts from the Lord - they are not a burden. They are rewards.

And if they are gifts and rewards, then why don't we want them? Why do we keep ourselves from having them?

Also, if we want to make this world a better place while we wait for Christ's 2nd coming, don't we want to raise godly children who love and fear the Lord?

Imagine two different couples - one couple doesn't know and love the Lord, while the other fears and loves Him with all their hearts. Yet, this couple who follow the Lord doesn't want any kids, while the other keeps having children.

If we Christians don't want any kids, then where can we pass through the values and our love for Christ?

Don't we want this world to have more people who love and fear the Lord?

We must check our hearts why we keep ourselves from having them because it is a gift from the Lord and raising them is a privilege.

For us, I know it is fear and selfishness that keep us from saying yes to the Lord, but ultimately, the root of it is a lack of faith.

I'm afraid everything will repeat again.

I don't want the pregnancy pain, postpartum pain, the worry caused by a growing belly, growing baby and so on... I don't like sleepless nights, I don't want to lose myself again.

I'm having myself back now - I'm enjoying some sort of liberty now that my firstborn is growing more independent.

It feels like I just got my sanity.

My husband and I enjoy more time together, and we have many plans for traveling, career growth, and providing for our little boy.

We feel we are really okay now.

We are stable now.

Then, here comes God's word speaking to us.

Surely the Lord knows how to sanctify us.

He wants us to exercise our faith and put our trust not in ourselves but in Him alone.

He wants not self-confidence but Christ-confidence for us.

While the Holy Spirit is so strong and we know we cannot disobey, do you know what made me saying yes to having a baby the second time around easier?

... it is when my husband says, "I will give you the best postpartum ever"...

This just comforted me and calm my thoughts from worries.

I thought, they were the sweet words I never thought I needed.

Well, I think it comes from the Lord. He impressed those words on my husband's heart to assure me that it will be fine and surely there is a blessing in obedience.

Now, here we are, a family of four.

We welcomed our little baby girl last August 26, 2025, at 06:42 am.

Of course, it's still not easy - the labor, delivery, and postpartum were still hard - but my husband is so far keeping his words to me (wow, praise God! Haha)

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

Don't be afraid, The Lord your God is going ahead of you, just as you saw Him do in Egypt. And you saw how the LORD your God cared for you all along the way as you travelled through the wilderness. Just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place.

Josh 1:5

For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you...

Sharing also the verses I hold on to during this pregnancy.

Indeed, the God who delivered me the first time is the same God who was with me this second time around.

He is my Promise-Keeper, my Deliverer, Sustainer, Helper and Keeper.

My soul is in awe of Him!

Also, HAPPY 5TH YEAR Anniversary to us, hon!

God did it! 🥂

The momma in me realizations.

1. Motherhood is indeed a bittersweet journey.

My heart is glad that my baby is growing well and is learning many things but I feel that a part in me is somehow sad that he is growing totally.

I feel emotional thinking that he will someday be okay without me (which is I think good because we should be raising kids to be independent of us, but of course always dependent on the Lord).

We are raising responsible individuals who are respectful and kind to men with fear and love in the Lord.

But it's just hard to let go of the thoughts that what we have now is something short and sweet.

Something momentary, something that is not forever.

And truly, the days are long but the years are short.

Taking care of a baby isn't easy, it is so tiring - Sometimes even exhausting. 

It seems your every day is a long day yet when we look back, we realized it is not and will just wonder why time went by so fast.

Sometimes I wish I could pause a moment.

Saying whisper to the Lord to make the time stop for now because his laughter is so cute to my ears, his kisses are so sweet to my skin, his hugs are so warm to my heart and when he sleeps, it is just so breathtaking before my sight.

It feels like I could live with such moments as these like forever as in always.

2. Oh mommahood! It is so beautiful yet also painful.

It is confusing.

It is hard to comprehend.

I wonder what I really want.

Is it to leave the house or stay at home with my baby?

The thought of leaving him is hard for my heart but somehow good for my head.

So will I be kind to my heart or to my mind?

Will I put my sanity before emotions or emotions before sanity?

My heart feels like to stay with him but my mind says it's okay to have a moment and get some break.

As a working mom, I feel envy with mommas who are focused on taking care of their baby but when I am at home, I want to be out there and have some other life aside from home.

What do I really prefer?

What should a mum really be doing - where does she really belong to?

This part of me, I cannot figure out.

3. Life is ironic when you become a mum.

Can you believe it, not a day passes by that I am not tired? - yet I am also at my happiest. 

I do miss my pre-baby days but I do love my new every day with him.

There are times when I'm at home and bored with our routines that I long to be free again.

And yet when I am away outside doing what I like - it feels like I am too free and liberated.

I feel guilty - missing my baby and longing to be at his side again.

I also wonder what is life like without him yet, but also know that I cannot imagine my life without him in it.

I became fearful and worried for my baby's well-being, health, development, surroundings, even future, and many more yet I know I am much stronger now compared to before.

I can endure physical pain and discomfort for the sake of my baby's safety and comfort.

I can tolerate emotional pain just to reserve my time and energy for my baby - for things that are true, pure, lovely, and praiseworthy. 

I choose to be free of those bad thoughts that can affect me as a mum.

Oh, What a life!

God has gifted me a clear purpose I can hold to my arms and carry in my heart.

This life I have now - a bittersweet, confusing, and full of irony journey as a mum is the unconditional love a mother has for his child.

Something God has installed in us as parents to somehow grasp what His love for us looks like as His child.

Job 39:13-17 

“The wings of the ostrich flap joyously,

With the pinion and feathers of love,

For she abandons her eggs to the earth

And warms them in the dust,

And she forgets that a foot may crush them,

Or that a wild animal may trample them.

She treats her young cruelly, as if they were not hers;

Though her labor is for nothing, she is unconcerned,

BECAUSE GOD HAS MADE HER FORGET WISDOM 

AND HAS NOT GIVEN HER SHARE OF UNDERSTANDING. 

She knows that what she is holding now will one day leave and fly without her yet she keeps on holding him while she can and his baby is allowing him still.

She might be confused about many things whether she is doing it right or not yet she is trying to do her best to be the best mum she could ever be for him.

 Isaiah 49:15

Can a woman forget her own baby, and not love the child she bore?

To my mama, I will never understand how much you have loved me not until now that I am a mum too.

Thank you for the unconditional love, sacrifices, and hard work you did for us.

I love you so much.

To my baby, there are not enough words to describe how much I love you.

Please know that you did not steal life from me, you added life in mine.

I know that I will not be your number one one day but for now, I will treasure and cherish what you and I have - this sweet, magical, captivating brief moment of our lives.

I will be forever grateful to be called your momma.

To all mommas.

Cheers.

YOU are wonderful

YOU are doing great!

YOU are worthy to be celebrated.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Proverbs 31:28

Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also and he praise her.

Dear Daddy,

I want you to know that we need you and we want you.

Sometimes I know she feels trapped.

It's hard for her to move.

She can't do anything but stay beside me. 

Suddenly, she changed and became someone she have never met before.

Sometimes she feels she carries all the loads because she just can't pass it.

She's all I need the most for now - I can't help it.

Her new self requires her to invest more of her - to the point of emptying herself sometimes.

That's why we want to thank you Daddy for investing your time and strength in us.

She really needs you the most during this time Daddy.

She is scared.

She is confused.

She is overwhelmed.

She is tired. 

I know Mommy doesn't hate her newfound self.

In fact, where she is right now is a place she called something beautiful, something so precious. 

She was never been this happy all her life, not until I came and she enters this new place called "motherhood".

It's just that Mommy needs someone who will help her figure out things.

And thank you for being that someone.

Thank you for helping Mommy to embrace her new self for there is no way she can be the same after I grew inside of her and came out from her.

Your support means so much to me and Mommy.

And we thank you for offering your arms and back to us.

You make Mommy feel beautiful more than before.

I know you are proud of Mommy for carrying and delivering me but we also want you to know that without you, we cannot make it through.

Your positivity has a great impact on us.

You shared with mommy's burdens, worries, and fears and assured her that everything is fine and okay because God holds us.

You know that Mommy feels loved whenever you carry me and play with me so you do it even if sometimes all I want is Mommy alone.

Don't be jealous, Daddy.

I also do love you with all that I am.

Please know that she loves it when I laugh because of you. 

It makes her fall in love with you the more.

She appreciates you when you help her stop me from crying and sing me lullabies to sleep.

My smiles, laughter, and touch make mommy's world more than better.

You know it pains mommy seeing me cry, so you always find ways to make me smile.

We feel safe and secure whenever you are with us.

That's why we always want to be with you Daddy - so be used to being with us always.

We don't want you to be away for so long and are always excited whenever you are going home.

I love seeing both of your faces and I love hearing both of your voices.

I want you and mommy to witness my everyday growth and development.

Thank you for sharing mommy's joy by discovering myself - what I love, I hate, what makes me smile, makes me cry, what I can do and what I am fascinated by.

I praise God for you Daddy because I know you are also adjusting to fatherhood and yet you need to be strong for both of us. 

Mommy and I can lean on you while you don't have anyone here physically to lean on - Thankfully you know there is a God who sees us.

He is our ultimate Father, ultimate Protector, and ultimate source of strength.

Whenever it's hard for you to understand Mommy, remember there is the Lord who can give you wisdom whenever you ask for it.

And even if you have made mistakes, I still have confidence in you Daddy because I know you love the LORD ultimately more than us.

And like Jesus, you are gentle and humble at heart.

Indeed, His love has perfected us through Christ Jesus, our Lord.

I am thankful that I was made out of this perfected love of Christ through Mommy and you.

After all, parenthood takes its pattern from God himself because He is love.

This life I have comes from your intimate love with each other as husband and wife and that love ultimately began within God Himself because, in His love, there is life.

Thank you Daddy for being there whenever we need you and we want you.

Please also know that we love you more than so much.

Love,

your Baby as spokesperson of Mommy