PSALM 127:3, Children are gift from God

Psalm 127:3

Behold, Children are a heritage from the LORD,
The Fruit of the womb is a reward.

We were supposed to be "one and done" with our firstborn - but then, the Lord had another plan.

While other couples are struggling with infertility, I think it's the opposite for us.

I know it should be the least concern because many couples out there are longing to have a child of their own, yet for us, for me especially, I am afraid to get pregnant again.

Pregnancy is a long journey to walk for me - it feels like forever... not to mention the hardship I experienced - the vomiting, nausea, loss of appetite, body changes, body pain, as well as the consideration for things to use or food to intake.

Surely, there is joy and excitement that pregnancy brings - it is wonderful to think that a life is growing inside of you... yet, sometimes, fear and anxiety just creep in, and then you become overwhelmed.

I worry whether my baby will develop well or will even make it through the full term.

A lot is going on in my mind, body, and emotions.

And so, when I went through it the first time, I said, This will be the last time - I don't want to create something for me to worry about again.

My husband also supports this due to financial constraints and for us to have more time together as a couple.

While pregnancy was hard, for me, postpartum was even harder.

I was shocked - this is motherhood!

I was more afraid of it than being pregnant itself.

There are a lot of pains - pains that I really cry on to God.

I even experienced some kind of anger towards my husband because I felt "why is it only me that is experiencing pain?" , "how come my husband looks good and I feel awful?"

"I do not know myself anymore, while my husband is still the same, it is just so unfair for me"...

To cut the sentiments short, I did not handle postpartum really well, and it affected our marriage. The regrets of being married lingered on my thoughts...

So now the questions are...

1. How did we overcome that season of our marriage?

2. What makes us decide to get through it the second time?

To answer the first question,

Thankfully, we have the support group we needed - given our own families, our spiritual families are great help as well.

Being accountable with our discipleship group helps us a lot - walking with them is a blessing, knowing we are not the only ones experiencing hardship.

The presence, the kindness, the generosity, and the thoughtfulness of the people around us made me feel better.

It feels like the Lord has indeed sent His angels to take care of us.

Our willingness to take action on our part also plays an important role - we worked on our marriage and decided to make it a priority.

We talked, we laughed, we spent time together, we shared thoughts, we served each other, we forgave, and we expected less from each other.

We tried to appreciate one another and honor each other.

We serve together and pray together.

We did not hide our struggles, our fears, our fights - we opened them to the light.

We accepted rebukes and opened our hearts for advice.

Still not perfect though - but we practice accountability and we value sharing our lives with those people who call on the Lord from pure hearts.

While we found ourselves healing from the heartaches and fear of the past (and also to answer the second question) -

We found ourselves in our church leadership conference contemplating with the Lord by what He impressed into our hearts - to have a baby again...

(Oh nohhhhh...)

Our senior pastor was sharing about what kind of legacy we are leaving in this world and that children are gifts from the Lord - they are not a burden. They are rewards.

And if they are gifts and rewards, then why don't we want them? Why do we keep ourselves from having them?

Also, if we want to make this world a better place while we wait for Christ's 2nd coming, don't we want to raise godly children who love and fear the Lord?

Imagine two different couples - one couple doesn't know and love the Lord, while the other fears and loves Him with all their hearts. Yet, this couple who follow the Lord doesn't want any kids, while the other keeps having children.

If we Christians don't want any kids, then where can we pass through the values and our love for Christ?

Don't we want this world to have more people who love and fear the Lord?

We must check our hearts why we keep ourselves from having them because it is a gift from the Lord and raising them is a privilege.

For us, I know it is fear and selfishness that keep us from saying yes to the Lord, but ultimately, the root of it is a lack of faith.

I'm afraid everything will repeat again.

I don't want the pregnancy pain, postpartum pain, the worry caused by a growing belly, growing baby and so on... I don't like sleepless nights, I don't want to lose myself again.

I'm having myself back now - I'm enjoying some sort of liberty now that my firstborn is growing more independent.

It feels like I just got my sanity.

My husband and I enjoy more time together, and we have many plans for traveling, career growth, and providing for our little boy.

We feel we are really okay now.

We are stable now.

Then, here comes God's word speaking to us.

Surely the Lord knows how to sanctify us.

He wants us to exercise our faith and put our trust not in ourselves but in Him alone.

He wants not self-confidence but Christ-confidence for us.

While the Holy Spirit is so strong and we know we cannot disobey, do you know what made me saying yes to having a baby the second time around easier?

... it is when my husband says, "I will give you the best postpartum ever"...

This just comforted me and calm my thoughts from worries.

I thought, they were the sweet words I never thought I needed.

Well, I think it comes from the Lord. He impressed those words on my husband's heart to assure me that it will be fine and surely there is a blessing in obedience.

Now, here we are, a family of four.

We welcomed our little baby girl last August 26, 2025, at 06:42 am.

Of course, it's still not easy - the labor, delivery, and postpartum were still hard - but my husband is so far keeping his words to me (wow, praise God! Haha)

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

Don't be afraid, The Lord your God is going ahead of you, just as you saw Him do in Egypt. And you saw how the LORD your God cared for you all along the way as you travelled through the wilderness. Just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place.

Josh 1:5