ISAIAH 48:17, My Ultimate Teacher

During our "dgroup time" one Monday evening, I have decided to pause from our "creation study" and have a deep talk with the girls about our quiet time.

I have asked them to share what are the things that I could do that will disappoint them or is there anything I did from the past that disappointed them.

Of course, I have no desire to hear such negative things because I'm afraid of it - but yes the love of God (not human) made me braver.

Truly, perfect love cast out fear (1 John 4:18).

With true honesty, I didn't expect to hear disappointments about me because in my own eyes I felt I did serve them well - but I was wrong.

I appreciate how the Lord encouraged one of my ladies to speak the truth in love (1 Corinthians 13:6) as her quiet time impress her to do so.

This lady said she was hurt by my response not choosing my words carefully.

Yes, I remembered that incident she's talking about...

I had plainly said a word not expecting that she will be hurt.

Though at the end of the conversation I felt there was something wrong - I didn't mind.

I'm thinking that she will understand if she will surrender it in her quiet time.

"The Lord will explain it and will speak to her."

This is what usually goes in my mind for not elaborating things.

I was too careful with my speech not to create flattery - but I think I got too over that time.

I was not wise in choosing the words I will utter.

Thankfully we both had our quiet time.

I can actually defend myself for saying those things - however, that is not what the Lord is saying to me.

He is reminding me to be considerate in all I do (Philippians 4:5) and impressing in my heart to let my conversation be gracious and attractive so that I will have my right response (Colossians 4:6).

He wants me to accept what I will hear and listen with a willing heart because ultimately it's Him who is speaking to me through her by encouraging her to speak the truth in love.

Another lady also shared that I hurt her by letting her feel that I don't understand her situation for I have a little understanding about it.

It seems I have a little compassion because I'm lacking of knowledge about what's going on.

Hearing that made me want again to defend myself - but I cannot, that is not what the Lord is telling me to do so.

I remembered the prayer of Paul to the churches in Philippi and Collossae...

I pray that your love will overflow more and more that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding... so you may live pure and blameless until Christ's return. - Philippians 1:9-11 (NLT)

I asked God to give you complete knowledge of his will and give you spiritual wisdom and understanding.

Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit.

All the while you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.

- Colossians 1:9-10 (NLT)

Thankfully, this lady is consistent in her quiet time too and the Lord is faithfully encouraging her.

Even though I failed, the Lord did not.

He always understands and always full of compassion.

As for me, the Lord indeed wants me to embrace the prayer of Paul and surrender what I felt in prayers.

I know it wasn't easy for them to confess being their leader and "ate" - yet again only the Lord can do that.

I appreciate how the Lord holds our quiet time together.

I wouldn't say I felt good after hearing those things because it hurt me.

I didn't get the chance to feed myself by defending it because I believe that is not the right thing to do for the moment.

I can say it broke my heart at least.

However, I felt blessed when I remembered that I prayed to God to broke me by accepting our senior pastor's prayer of brokenness during one of our Sunday services.

Broken people are those that God is pleased and uses.

The blessing behind it is intimacy with Him - and I want this.

It is a humble experience for me to see that I am not a perfect leader and a follower.

I don't know everything and I am limited - that's why I need the Lord.

My quiet time next morning says,

I am the Lord your God who teaches what is good for you and leads you in the path you should follow.

- Isaiah 48:17, NLT

Morning by morning he awakens me and opens my understanding to his will.

- Isaiah 50:4, NLT

What a great comfort!

Indeed, following the Lord is not a one-time commitment because it is from Him where knowledge and understanding come from.

Every day we have to seek Him and have to surrender to His Lordship.

We just don't do what we feel, we have to discern His will.

And I think this what it means of denying ourselves and taking up our cross daily (Matthew 16:24).